The Way I Am
by sszenji
Summary: Bardock's POV about his relationship with Kakarot and (mainly) Raditz. A bit corny :-s Nevertheless it's got Bardock & Raditz in so why not. R&R pweeze :-)
1. The Way I Am Chapter 1

Bardock: the Father of Kakarot & Raditz 

The Way I Am Chapter 1 

"Raditz…Why are you fighting Kakarot?" Why was I seeing my two sons fighting eachother? What has this got to do with anything? I didn't understand what was happening. Raditz knew Kakarot was his brother but he didn't know Kakarot was going to be the one to defeat Freiza. Freiza, the tyrant who destroyed me, my friends, my people and my home. I almost saw the ability forced upon me by that Kanasa survivor as a blessing. Not all of the time though. This was one of those times I didn't wish to see. But, I felt relieved, in a strange way. Both Kakarot and Raditz are alive. I admit, my relationship with my first son was not particularly good, even by Saiyan standards. I would walk through town with Raditz in tow when he was younger and people didn't even realise he was with me. I was so cold towards him but he never gave me a reason act otherwise. 

"Kakarot, you must live…" I continued having the visions of Raditz fighting Kakarot and still couldn't understand why. Maybe it really is my fault. The way I always looked down on him, the way I treat him as a child, there was never any respect between us. I would rarely call him `son'; I'm sure if I had given him the choice he wouldn't have called me `father'. 

"…It's over…They're both dead…" Some green guy had blasted both of them through the chest. I couldn't believe it. Why did Raditz do it? The premonitions I had of Kakarot fighting Frieza; were they real? How could this have happened? 

"Bardock…Fancy seeing you here…" 

"Raditz?" I really couldn't think of anything to say at the time. 

"Not too pleased to see me? No change there then…" 

"Why did you kill Kakarot?" 

"I didn't." 

"Why did you try to kill him then!?" 

"Simple. You sent him to Earth to destroy the inhabitants, he failed. I was merely trying to finish his poor work." 

"You…" 

"There was a buyer for that planet, it wouldn't have made any difference who was there." 

"It DOES make a difference! You have no idea what you have just done!" 

"So, tell me." 

"Kakarot was going to defeat Frieza…" 

"Ha, ha, ha, ha! Him!? Don't be so pathetic…He let me go twice and that was after I'd kidnapped his son! He couldn't have defeated me alone." 

"And you're proud of that?" Raditz looked confused. 

"What do you mean?" 

"You kidnapped his son, tried to make him kill 100 people and killed him? You're pleased that you did that?" 

"What are you getting at now?" 

"Never mind…You wouldn't understand." 

"What?" I turned away from him to leave. 

"One more thing Raditz…" 

"Hm?" 

"Enjoy hell." 

Many years had past, I hadn't talked to Raditz since the time he was first sent here, somehow Kakarot, or Goku as he was now called, had defeated Frieza and many more enemies like him; the likes of Cell and Buu were here in hell. I still had visions of my son he was not like all Saiyans. Kakarot had a good heart. There wasn't a trace of hate in him. In my premonitions, I often saw him with his family; Kararot, his sons and even his grand-daughter. Did I feel proud? Yes, I did. Although I had never met Kakarot in person properly, I felt closer to him that I had ever felt to Raditz. I often wondered if Kakarot had felt my presence when he was fighting; all the times I watched him and prayed for his victory, not only as a fellow Saiyan but as a father too. Did he know I was watching? 

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	2. The Way I Am Chapter 2

Bardock: the Father of Kakarot 

The Way I Am Chapter 2 

Okay, dull chapter alert but it important for the last chapter ;-) 

Several more years had past, the visions had become less and far between. I had a feeling something had changed, drastically. I occasionally saw Raditz in Hell but we never had anything to say to eachother. It was a normal day in Hell, Panbukin and Topato were eating anything they could find, as usual and Toma and Celipa were hangin out together, as usual. It was a normal day. Then, I saw him. Kakarot. He was here. I could sense he wasn't too far away. For the first time, I actually went to find him. I travelled through hell and parts of Snakeway, I knew he was here, where? Then it happened… 

"Kakarot…Or should I say Goku?" 

"Huh? You…" I stood before him, I could feel myself filling with pride, even though I was really nervous. "You…You look exactly like me!" 

"Wha?!" 

"Man, that's weird!" My jaw dropped. 

"You don't…know who I am…" 

"Should I?" 

"Of course you should!!" I was angry and somewhat embarrassed that Kakarot didn't know who I was. "Kakarot…I'm your father." 

"WHA!?!?!? M-my father! Wow! Your name's Bardock, right?" 

"Yes…I-It's good to meet you…Finally." 

"Sure is! Man…This is really…" 

"I know…I'm not too sure what to say either. But, I wanted to meet you." 

"Wanted to? Why?" 

"You defeated Freiza of course." 

"Yeah, I beat him but I didn't kill him." 

"You didn't? Then who did?" 

"That was Trunks, Vegeta's son, from the future." 

"Vegeta? As in Prince Vegeta?" 

"Yup." 

"And, from the future?" 

"Uh-huh. It's a long story." Still, I didn't care that Kakarot didn't kill Frieza, he still defeated him. I couldn't believe it, he looked so much like me. 

"So…" 

"Heh…Don't worry, I dunno what to say either. Hmm… Why'd you ask about Frieza anyway?" 

"He was the one who destroyed Planet Vegeta, sent me here…" 

"Why do all Saiyans hate Frieza so much?" 

"He practically made our whole race his personal slaves. There was no one strong enough to face him so we had to do his work. No one really minded the fact that we were forced to work for him it was just the way he made us work for him. We got very little pay and there was always a tight time in which to do it. In the end, he destroyed our race because he was scared that there was going to be someone stronger than him. Like you." 

"Heh…" 

"Well, Prince Vegeta was probably the biggest risk to him, that's why Frieza kidnapped him." 

"Hmm…Yeah, I remember Vegeta telling me about that when Frieza killed him." 

"You know Prince Vegeta?" 

"Sure, although no one except him, calls him `Prince' Vegeta. He lives on Earth like me." 

"So he survived too…" 

"Sure did. Did you know him?" 

"Me? No. He would have only been about five or six years old when the planet was destroyed…Most Saiyans knew his father though, seeing how all of Frieza's orders came to us through him." 

"…I still think this is pretty weird." 

"Huh? Oh, yeah…Me too." It was weird. Finally, I have met Kakarot. He doesn't behave like a Saiyan. He's not a Saiyan. Never the less, he's still my son. 

"So, what are you here for anyway?" I asked him. 

"Well, I died." I just laughed. I was still surprised. Even though I had seen him so many times in my visions, he had to be seen to be believed. 

"…Kakarot…" I said to myself. 

"?" 

"Huh?" 

"Did you say something?" 

"Uh, no." We walked along further, "So, your name is Goku now?" 

"Yup." 

"I see." 

"Truth is, I didn't even know I was a Saiyan until Raditz showed up." 

"Raditz? You mean you spend your entire life thinking you were from earth?" 

"Uh-huh. Grandpa Gohan found me when I was a baby and he named me Goku. Not long after that I fell down a waterfall and hit my head, that's how I forgot my `mission'." 

"Your mission, destroy earth. Heh, I think it's just as well you didn't now." 

"I would never do anything like that. Besides, it's my home, all my friends and family are there." 

"I'm glad you didn't do what Raditz told you." 

"Raditz really is my brother then?" 

"Yes, although I see him quite often but I haven't actually spoken to him in over 30 years." 

"30 YEARS!" 

"That's right." 

"B, but he's your son!" 

"That doesn't really make a lot of difference to either of us; I don't like him, he doesn't like me…" 

"There's no way I wouldn't speak to my sons for that long." 

"Your sons, yes, you have a family…" 

"Gohan and Goten are my sons, Chichi is my wife, and Pan is my Grand-daughter. Hang on, how did you know I had a family?" I explained to Goku about Kanasa and my ability to see the future. He seemed so amazed by it. 

"You might be able to do that, but can you go Super Saiyan!?" 

"Er…Yes I can actually." I answered. I had been able to for quite some time. Unusually, I was one of the very few in hell who could. 

"You can? Which other Saiyans here can do that?" 

"Not many. Just me, King Vegeta, Celipa, Brolli and Raditz." 

"Vegeta & Raditz can?! Wow, I would have thought they would have been the last to manage it." 

"You'd be surprised. Vegeta isn't all that bad; he was the first to manage it when he saw Frieza down here he went absolutely nuts. Raditz' was a bit different…" 

"Go on." I actually felt ashamed to say how Raditz managed Super Saiyan. 

"There was quite a bit of trouble here a couple of years ago and…I'm not so sure what happened but he went Super Saiyan…" Of course that wasn't the whole story but I couldn't tell him. 

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	3. The Way I Am Chapter 3

The Way I Am Chapter 3 

The Way I Am Chapter 3 

*I promise this one's a bit more interesting than the last! I even (loosely) quote Gladiator in this one!* 

It had been several months since I met Ka…Goku. I was amazed at his strength, he must be one of the most powerful people here, if not the most powerful. I was proud at what he had done and even the way he was living; he had two sons and a grand daughter who he obviously admired and cared for a lot. It made me think, it made me think a lot. About my relationship with my first son, Raditz. 

I admit I was a useless father, I never showed my son any respect, and I forced him to respect me as his father. I feel ashamed to call myself that, not because of Raditz' actions in the past but through my own. When he was a child, I used to force him to do as I said and for some reason he did it. I didn't teach him a lot, only about our race and how our pride was all that mattered, which now I realise it has very little relevance at all. I knew that as he grew older that we would drift further and further apart, which we did to the point where we wouldn't even speak to eachother. Not even a `Hello' or even `I hate you', I don't blame him though. Not anymore. I was so full of my own pride to care about anyone else's. Not even my first sons. It was time to make up. 

"What do you want?" It wasn't even a question, it was an order. 

"Raditz, I want, no, need to speak with you." 

"I've got nothing to say to you and I'm pretty sure you've got nothing to say to me so why waste both of our time?" 

"No…I…" This felt really awkward, "I want to…Apologise." 

"For what?" 

"Eveything!" Raditz looked stunned. He obviously had no idea what I meant, "I mean, damn it!…You're my son…" 

"Sadly, but what's that got to do with anything?" Naturally, he wasn't making things very easy for me. 

"Raditz, we've never got on; either as father and son or even as friends…" 

"Ah, I get it! You've obviously found Kakarot somewhere here and realised that he's so much better than the both of us." 

"Raditz, please…I know you…Hate me…" 

"You think I hate you eh?" 

"I get the impression." 

"Bardock, I can't stand you. Hate isn't strong enough to describe the way I feel about you…" My heart sank. It was really this bad. 

"All the times I called you `father'…I never meant it, I never felt you were any relation to me!" 

"…I didn't realise…" 

"That's right. You didn't realise because I'm not you. You have never cared about anyone else apart from yourself!" As much as his comment hurt, he was right. 

"Raditz, I know what I've done in the past…Now, I'm just offering an apology." 

"Apology rejected." 

"What do I have to do?!?!?!" He seemed shocked as I grew more and more angry with him. 

"It's too late for you to do anything. I've never needed you as a father or a friend. I never needed you as an enemy but once again that was YOUR decision…" He began to walk away, this time I felt as if it was for good, never again would I see him. 

"Please son. Give me a chance. Believe it or not, I- I am proud of you." Raditz stopped. "I was never disappointed in you, only disappointed in myself." Raditz turned around to face me although I couldn't look him in the eye. 

"You're fault as my son is my failure as your father…" I could see that I had hit a nerve somewhere. 

"You…Called me your son…" 

"Yeah, sounds pretty weird doesn't it?" 

"Heh…Maybe we should end it." 

"?" 

"This is the first time in over thirty years we've spoken to eachother." 

"Too long, don't you say?" Raditz smiled at me. For the first time ever, I think he actually saw me as his father. 

"I am proud of you. I don't necessarily think that what you've done in the past is right but all this time you've held your ground and stood up for what you believe in. That takes guts. Especially against the likes of Frieza…" 

"I can tell you, it took something to stand up to you as well." 

"Not anymore it wont." 

For the first time ever, or at least in a very long time, I am truly happy. Yes, I'm still in hell but it doesn't seem so bad now. I can say I am proud of both of my sons; Kakarot, he has done so much for the Saiyans here, defeating Frieza as a Super Saiyan and proving that we don't need to be evil or cruel to be powerful and Raditz, he spent many more years than I did under the command of Frieza and he lived through those years with the same pride and dignity all Saiyans carry. The first time he went Super Saiyan was to protect me, I was ashamed of myself I needed his help. He saw me in pain and that made him angry enough to achieve Super Saiyan and I threw his help back in his face. That helped me a lot in a way. Now, I wasn't embarrassed to ask or help in a fight, I can admit I'm not as powerful as I think I am. I'm happy the way I am. 

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